9 Life Lessons From 2021
What this year taught me about happiness, growth, and motivation
Historically, I’ve had a bitter taste over New Years celebrations. December 31st always arrived with pressure to have extravagant plans with sequined attire. Of course, this was in the “before” times of the pandemic, when face masks weren’t a fashion trend and a topic one avoids at all costs at the dinner table.
Though the social expectations of New Years may have lost its sparkle, the sentiment of starting a new year is something I’ve found much value in throughout my 20s.
Since 2017, I’ve shared a summary of life lessons I learned each year. This has become a yearly tradition of mine, a practice which inspires me to reflect on my experiences personally and worldwide. If you’re itching for more life advice from another twenty-something, take a look at my previous Annual Life Lessons.
9 Life Lessons From 2021
For most of this year (okay, and last year), I felt caught in a web of stagnancy with no escape. I can’t be the only one who felt as if life was a ravenous Black Widow and I, her naïve prey, who flew into a trap of untimely ambition.
As someone who ironically obsessed over self help and personal development, I blamed myself for losing my motivation to do…everything. I wasn’t regularly exercising, meditating, or journaling. These lifelines I used in the past became lost on me, and for a while I felt lost without them.
Even though the last 2 years has been an endless news cycle of COVID and political, climate, and racial injustices, I failed to assess how the chaos of the world impacted me. Yeah, I could have been more proactive, but I believe, like most of us, I was doing my best to get through the day.
1. Even when you feel stuck, you are moving forward.
Reflecting on the last year proved that even though I felt uninspired and unmotivated, that wasn’t always the case. If you take some time to reflect, this will ring true for you too. Every year we are given moments and circumstances that truly challenge us AND inspire us. Adversity and stagnancy alike can reveal deep inspiration and gratitude.
When we face our struggles we find ways to problem solve. When we hold space for our grief, we allow healing to take place. One mantra I cling to is, life is a constant act of moving forward. This year I realized you can’t move forward until you show up for the moment you’re in.
This moment is what leads to the next one, right?
2. You don’t have to be healed to be in a healthy relationship.
I used to tell myself a healthy relationship will come when I’m totally healed. But, I’m learning that maybe I will never be “fully healed”. Maybe that’s an impossible goal to achieve, as suffering is an inevitable part of the human experience.
We all enter each other’s lives with wounds and vulnerabilities. My relationship has helped me conquer deeply-rooted insecurities. A supportive partner will hold space for your wounds, and help give the support you need to confront them. Love heals.
3. Humor helps find meaning and relief in overwhelming times.
Comedy has been a saving grace of mine since the start of the pandemic. With so much tension in the world, I relished in the relief that my comedic heroes delivered making light of it all. A nice reminder that it’s okay to not take everything so seriously all the time.
4. Motivation is the intersection of awareness and possibility.
I’ve always been a motivated and ambitious person, but my desires faded from view for a while. When I could push myself to meditate or journal, I would sense that hunger for growth and change. When I brought my awareness to wanting motivation, a familiar feeling came over me.
Like I just turned on the light in a dark room within me. A room filled with boxes of my distant dreams and lost inspiration. It’s easy to lose focus on the life we want when the life we’re living is all-consuming.
If we make time to imagine the possibilities, a voice silently calls from within… a call of the human spirit which has moved forward against all odds since the dawn of time.
5. It’s not your responsibility to uphold the expectations of others.
I have a chronic condition of people pleasing. Every year I attempt to combat this with setting boundaries, saying no, and putting my needs first. Still… it’s a struggle. I find comfort in knowing that it’s OKAY to disappoint others, and for others to disappoint you. How someone else perceives you and what they expect of you, actually has nothing to do with you.
It’s not your job to please others, or make them feel comfortable. You also never have to explain yourself or your decisions. If you know yourself and are secure of who you are, you’ll spend less energy trying to live up to someone’s expectations. In short — just fucking say “No”.
6. Healing has it’s own timeline unique to each person.
It can be incredibly frustrating to become triggered by past wounds when you’ve put in so much effort to heal. It’s exhausting, encountering your worst memories time and time again. Every new experience challenges our growth (and anxieties), old wounds reopen as you traverse new territory.
Time never stops, and neither does healing. Healing has its own timeline unique to each person. I believe every trigger is an opportunity to come back home to yourself. To remember you are safe, you are here now, and you can overcome this — because you already have, so many times before.
7. You are allowed to feel happy and hopeful about your life.
Against the backdrop of the madness that depicts our times, it feels almost wrong to have hope for the future. It feels, naïve too. I think life largely consists of surfing the waves, wading the low tides and riding towards the swell.
If we allow our lives to be defined by our suffering, we will never get to see what lies on the other side of our pain.
We all deserve to find peace, it is something all of us can access within ourselves. We become the masters of our lives when we find purpose in our pain. To be the hero of your own life means believing you are worthy of everything you desire, no matter what you’ve been through. No matter what is going on in the world.
8. Compassion fatigue is real.
We all hold a different capacity for empathy each day. For many people in the healthcare industry, I imagine my compassion fatigue pales in comparison to theirs. But this lesson is for everyone and anyone who is overwhelmed by caring and worrying and stressing…all the time.
It’s critical that we master our ability to recognize our compassion fatigue and our own capacity for being there for others. This includes monitoring our screen time and stalking the news. The best thing we can do when we’re overwhelmed is nothing. Overwhelm is a sign you need yourself. Going on long walks has helped my anxiety tremendously in this season of my life.
9. Comparison is the thief of joy.
Your healing, your happiness, your growth is all unique to you. Comparing your life and your place in it is a disservice to the beauty that defines your path. Your life is beautiful because its yours. Your problems, your triumphs, your story, are all unique to you. And certainly, some of us got a shittier hand to play with. I’ve experienced things I’ll be healing from for the rest of my life.
As I’ve healed, I’ve owned my story. I know it’s not easy, but it makes you stronger. When you own your pain, nothing and no one else can hurt you. To honor your story, you can’t compare your progress to anyone else. This means your dreams, your art, your contribution, your legacy is on its own timeline. And you get to be the main character to watch it all unfold, just as its meant to.
As you’re sitting at home debating the new Netflix show to binge or whether you should take the ultimate risk of our time and go out for New Years, I hope you carve out some space for reflecting on your year. I hope you remember the good moments you had this year, and I hope you hold space for the bad ones. Most of all, I hope you feel worthy of more happiness and peace as we take another trip around the sun in 2022.
